invitations printed

I am either emailing or handing out the invitations. They are nice and simple and exactly what Chris would want. I'll turn it into a jpeg and upload it here.

And don't forget if you cannot make it there will be a toast at 2:00PM.

There is no RSVP required for the event.

The completed poem

I can't find my printed copy so there's one verse that's slightly off but nevertheless it is finally finished.

We never get over, we just get through, and wherever you are and wherever you go, the 
place in my heart that holds you so close just wants you to know it will always love you so.

No matter the emotion it's always clear that on this day we hold you so near so whether
or not you thought we'd forget that's not in the cards. So like it or not you need to let, your friends,
your family, pay their respects. For you are, forever and always, one of a kind and there you shall
stay, always on our minds. We wish you the best and you must never forget that there are memories of sorrow, memories of pain, one's of pure joy and one's that never fade away.


Most important of all and I wish to speak on behalf of us all, the love we have will forever remain, like the rising sun in the east, not the setting sun in the west.

We've all gone home

It was a very emotional time for us all, and on Thursday after all had been said and done it really hit us. I don't know if it would have been any better if the funeral had been on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, but at one point it became clear that we are not going to be able to attend another gathering in a church anytime soon so we will instead opt to celebrate Chris's life with a party at Off The Hook.

I encourage anyone who cannot attend but wishes to pass along words of remembrance to please fill out the online book that's attached to his obituary. We will then print those out and attach them to the memorial book that we had at the church.

While I wait to confirm the details, it's important that everyone know that there will be the worldwide toast to him so if you don't come down until later in the day that is fine. We will try to make arrangements to transport anyone from either the ferry or the bus so please let me know your preferred method of travel. For cars, if it's a nice day you may be sitting in a fair amount of travel so if you want to come down early we can arrange to have a gathering for breakfast at my house.

In the interim, below is the poem I wrote for both Mother and Chris. This is separate for the one I did for him. Somehow when I had finished the one poem I felt something was missing so I wrote another one morning.

I Never thought there'd come a day
where we'd be drawn in such a way
to grieve at once for a devastating loss
of two most amazing people
and all that I can think to say
is thank you both for enriching my life
I love you both so much and now that it's been said
I'll raise a glass and toast to you both with one simple word L'Chaim
which means to life.

New date

The new date is June 26th.If you would like to come down the evening before and stay please let me know so we can make arrangements for accommodations. Otherwise earlier is better unless it is cloudy or rainy. Unfortunately after Memorial day traffic does pick up a lot.

My mother in laws obituary is in the daily telegraph (A UK publication) but you might need to search for her since that is how we found this.

Tomorrow afternoon is her funeral. 

The Obituary

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/app/obituary.aspx?n=christopher-t-vickery&pid=142718576

An edited picture for his obituary

Hey, this works really, really well with windows 7. I must say this is about the coolest feature Windows has ever released.

Some more sad news

We lost my mother in law this morning. I do not want to speak for the family on this event, but there are a few things I would like to say.

His mother has had a heart condition for many, many years and despite the doctors urging her to undergo a bypass she refused and instead decided she would live as long as she could without that intervention. She was given the option of a pacemaker last year and decided that was viable and sometime between Chris's last visit and Geoff and family arriving, she had one put in. I think all who saw her the past eight months would say she was a lot better and was really able to enjoy the rest of her life.

We will be postponing Chris's remembrance/celebration for now. Once we have the details firmed up we will post them here. You can also click on my name on the post to send me an email. Since this blog is spidered by google I don't want to advertise any specifics, but that name should give you the address to use.

The one word that came to mind this morning when I heard the news was speechless. I do not know what else to say about what's happened, but the family will all be together and that's something that both Chris and his mother would say is so very important.

A big hug to everyone, I will post another quick update when I know the details of the funeral.

Donations

I've been asked about making a donation on Chris's behalf. Chris loved Highlands and we always supported our local volunteer organizations. So the first one is the Highlands First Aid Squad at PO Box 173, Highlands, NJ 07732 They were the one's to respond and transport him the first time he went to the hospital and did such an amazing job in keeping him calm and making sure he was comfortable when they transported him. Our squad receives very little from the outside and relies on donations from the town to sustain themselves.

The other one is Cancer Care, which is the place that I reached out to after he was diagnosed. They focus specifically in helping people with cancer, caregivers, conduct seminars and also have a foundation that helps people financially with medications. We were very, very lucky to be in a financial position that this evil disease did not impact us, but it devastates so many other people. Their web address for online donations is:
http://www.cancercare.org/support_us/
Their web site is www.cancercare.org

I will know on Monday about being able to use the stone church. If it is unavailable we will just meet at Off The Hook at 11:45. We will arrange for food and I'll see what can be worked out for alcohol. I hope to have the room upstairs for use, otherwise we'll sit outside.

A Short poem

I've been writing a bit, but wanted to share this short bit with everyone. Thanks to Mike for making me stay awake on Saturday night and letting some of my ramblings lead to something short and concise and, I think, appropriate for now.
 
We never get over, we just get through
and wherever you are, and wherever you go
the place in my heart that holds you so close
just wants you to know it will always love you so

Gathering will be May 22nd

We will have it on May 22nd. I'm waiting to hear back from All Saints Church in Navesink about the 11-11:30 service that Chris wants. If not we will start at 11:45 at Off The Hook in Highlands.

If you would like to come and will be arriving by ferry or train please let me know so we can make arrangements to get you to/from your arrival point. If you would like to come down the night before or stay the night of also let me know, we will take care of that too.

And for the coincidence of the day, the name of this church is the name of the church where Chris's father was a Vicar and the Vicar of the church where Chris wants the service is in England this week.

Afternoon update

Mike is on his way home and Geoff should be arriving at JFK anytime now for his flight back to Vancouver.

I am working on when there will be a "gathering" and celebration, it is tentatively set for May 22nd at 11 AM at one place, followed by a trip up the street to one of our local bar/restaurants where we will celebrate his life. If you are unable to make it because you are in another country, or continent we will try to coordinate a time where we will all raise our glasses and toast to Chris.

I want everyone to know that I will be fine. I have spent every day since the end of February running around and making sure Chris had what he needed. I always took some time for me, but now the difference is I don't have to look at a clock and go "I have to leave in xxx minutes". I have invited people to visit tomorrow afternoon/evening and the door is open through the weekend for anyone who wants to come by. I'm quite tired as you can all imagine and will hang out for a bit and then head to bed where I am sure that I will be able to sleep until about 5:00 which is when I usually wake up.

Never gave up

I'm sorry to report that after a 15 hour fight with a body that was ready to give up we lost Chris at 2:08 this morning. I had asked him on Thursday when he said he was ready to go to hospice that he please hold on until Tuesday and he did just that. For someone with one functioning lung and a heart that the doctor's had been concerned with he just fought and fought and fought for hours and hours. I believe that up until the very end that he was able to hear us because periodically as we would be talking in the room we got some kind of reaction.

I apologize to Chris's former co-workers who came to pay him a visit only to find him as he was, but please know he did hear you even when he was unable to respond.

It's almost 4AM and I am going to finish my drink and head to bed.

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes, thoughts, prayers and anything else that you did to try to help him beat this evil disease. While his wish would have been to share his organs, unfortunately, that is not possible with cancer patients. At best, his corneas might be of value but since nobody came to see me I am going to say that won't happen either.

Love to all and I hope that you take comfort in knowing he did not suffer and that he is absolutely 100% adamant that his life be celebrated. We will be organizing a short "gathering" on a Saturday morning followed by a party at our local bar/restaurant where we will share good memories, and honor his memory exactly how he would want it.

Good and bad days

This was definitely, in my humble opinion, a good day emotionally for Chris. He got to spend time with his brothers, good friends and some of my family. The sense of humor is so very in tact and in a way, someone must be feeding him new jokes because today he asked me to tell people one's that I never heard before.

After talking to Chris about the breathing treatments he's been getting I asked him to please consider one that has morphine. Morphine, when it's used as a breathing treatment, is different than taking it in IV form as it is not systemic. I did notice that after taking it and then nodding off, his breathing seemed a bit more at ease.

Tomorrow will be another emotional day for Chris, but one that will be very meaningful.

Less than 40 minutes until post time

For the derby so a quick post to say that Chris had a good day. No changes but he was given a new medication that has eased some of the discomfort in his chest.

His brothers are here and we got word late last night that his mother was taken to the hospital. We won't have answers as to how she is and what is wrong until they are able to perform an endoscopy and/or a colonoscopy. She is comfortable and got to speak to Chris although I'm not sure she was really able to hear what he said.

Off to get ready for the derby, we will be hanging out today and enjoying a nice bottle of bordeaux at Chris's insistence.